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it'sallmyfault 
16th-Aug-2004 02:43 pm
Reborn - Yamamoto CHIBITA
SPENT ENTIRE LUNCH HOUR TALKING TO moonythestrals. I am so high I can't come down. Also, she gave me the courage to post this unedited. *hugs* And I did get to eat - you didn't disturb my lunch at all! Only, food seemed so inconsequential next to you being there.

abraxan, majokai and I went out to watch Spider-Man 2. In IMAX. And then right after that we sat down at Coffee Bean and wrote this on Paris. It's a SPM2 round robin. *grin* It's unedited, because I haven't had the time yet, and if you can tell who wrote what, we shall be very amused.

Also any awfulness in this fic is entirely my fault.



It all started and began with one phone call.

"Help me, Harry..." For a moment, he wondered who it was who called him, helpless and weak. Was it his best friend, or was it the hated Bug who killed his father? But just as Harry was running out of his house on a cold December night without so much as a coat on him, he realized what Peter had been trying to tell him for the past few months.

It didn't matter. It really didn't.

*****

He panicked, at first. The cars on the road flew past, and he almost got run down as he was crossing the street. He didn't even notice.

Pete's apartment, he thought as he flagged down a cab.

His thoughts raced with the city lights that flashed past the cab's windows. The cab's haunted by the ghost of smoke that refused to clear, and it made him think of a steel-grey afternoon, a man about to lose all he's ever cherished, and the way he will throw his best friend's help back in his face without ever realising what he’s doing.

He'd thrown money onto the passenger's seat, next to the driver, without thinking. The smallest note he has on him, a fifty-dollar bill. The Osborn way.

He didn't think about how easily he remembered Pete's address. It's as if he's never tried to forget it at all. As he looked out of the window, up at the sky, he thought, accidentally, of all those who would be without Spider-Man tonight, and then he hated himself for even allowing himself to think that way.

Nobody told me about your smile, mourned the radio, until he snapped and tells the driver to turn it off. The kindly old man agreed with a casual smile and went on to do just that.

Pete never smiled like this...not unless he meant it.

The cab stopped outside the run-down apartment block in the poorer part of the city, somewhere he never thought he'd rush down in record time. 29 minutes pizza time, Harry smiled bitterly, and ran up the stairs, muttering the door number under his breath like a mantra.

"PETE!!"

The door was locked, and he cursed under his breath. He thought about kicking it in - remembered, suddenly, that Pete would kill him for ruining the door - then kicked it in anyway.

It was dark inside, and he tripped over the step as he walked in. He could smell a tinge of something metallic, and it reminded him of high school biology and the rabbit that Pete helped him dissect. The night air seemed chilly, suddenly, and he tucked his hands more firmly into his pocket as he took another step forward.

A soft groan sounded in the corner of the room, and he sucked in a breath of bitingly cold air as he reached the lamp, and flooded the room with dim light and dark shadows. On the floor, a puddle of red spread and soaked into the edge of the bedspread.

He tried not to cry when Peter, mask off and face pale grey, smiled and murmured a quiet "It's not mine."

Liar. Harry knelt down beside Peter, taking his friend's hand in his. It was cold, scarily so.

"How?" He asked, bringing the pale, bloodless hands to his lips and breathed against them, a desperate attempt to warm the cold skin up.

Peter smiled again and repeated, "it's not mine. And you are paying for my door, Harry."

Harry shook his head and got up to his feet again, worried, but logical enough to look around the matchbox-sized apartment for a spare set of clothes. They could not possibly send Pete to the hospital in his Spidey suit.

"Get up," he finally said. His voice was shaking, his hands too. Slapping himself mentally, Harry threw the clothes he found on top of the bed, and bent down to help his friend onto his feet. "We need to get help."

"Harry--" "SHUT UP, PETE! I say we are going to get help so we are going to get help."

It made Harry ill to think that this was what he would have wanted for Spider-Man, before.

But he never realized that seeing Peter like this would hurt, too.

He realized Pete was not going to be able to get out of here without assistance, let alone stand, so he goes down to him and didn't think of just how much blood there is, how he's never been a good student but he just knew that it wasn't possible for anyone to lose so much and - no, don't think that - not even Spider-man, stop that, think about Peter, it's Pete, and he needs you now.

"I'm going to have to get you out of this, Pete," he says, and for a moment he doesn't know whether he means the suit or this place or this situation, because he knows that this doesn't happen to heroes, heroes don't lie bleeding like this in the night with only their best enemy to call on. Peter's eyes close momentarily, and Harry takes that for consent. He rests his hands on Peter's shoulders and realizes he can't look Pete in the eyes if he's going to do this.

Because for him there’s always been Peter, and then there was Spider-Man, and looking at Peter now would only remind him of how he can’t live with the both of them being one and the same.

"You've got to help me with this, Pete," he says, through a forced smile. "Tell me how to get this off."

But Peter sighs, and closes his eyes, and Harry's a wreck as he pulls shirt and pants over the red and blue suit, one hand speed dialling the family doctor and the other cradling Peter to his chest.

"Thanks, Harry." Peter turned to bury his head against Harry's neck. Whether he did so out of delirium or desperation, nobody knew. Not even Peter himself.

Harry ordered for the doctor to meet him in his penthouse as soon as possible, and then hung up. Tightening his arm around the lithe body, Harry closed his eyes with a sigh. "You're welcome."

***

“It was a joke,” Harry explains to the distinctly unamused doctor. “It was a… dare, and… well… I didn’t expect –”

The doctor looks as if he’s about to deliver a scathing retort, then thinks the better of it while he looks over Peter.

Peter should be making the excuses, Harry thinks, knowing he’s being unreasonable. After all, it’s his double life, not Harry’s.

***

A wry smile crosses Peter's mouth. "Like you would any other outfit, Harry." Harry's mouth twists, and he's suddenly, painfully glad that Peter's able to say things like these even in a time like this. Peter rests an arm against his shoulder. Support, Harry thinks, even as he feels sick thinking how light Pete's touch is, as if he were almost insubstantial.

"I don't have to teach you that, do I, Harry?" says Peter, in a voice softer than Harry can bear. "It's hardly... advanced... Physics."

"Stop talking, Pete," Harry says, fiercely, with a desperation sharper than any knife he's ever held in his hands. Only Peter could cut him with words like these. He should've known.

Only then does he realize that Pete's arms have gone around his waist, and then he looks up, shocked, into those startlingly blue eyes that he's never dared look into for too long, lest they see what he’s tried to hide for far too long.

But Peter's eyes are warm as they look up into his, and he can't pretend he doesn't notice how strength's come back into Peter, and how much the way Peter's holding him now reminds him of the day he became one of the many Spider-Man saved.

"I said it wasn't mine, Harry," says Peter, as he pulls Harry close and does the one thing Harry's wanted to do since the day he met Peter Parker, glasses, stutter, brilliance, endearing, aching, amazing, dorkiness and overwhelming sincerity and - Peter.

"But why?" Harry manages, when Peter finally breaks the kiss.

There's a smile in Peter's eyes as he answers, "Otto Octavius said you shouldn't hide a secret love. And -" Here, Peter's gaze grows speculative, and to Harry's disbelieving eyes, tender, and he never believed Peter would ever look at him that way -

"Watching you hurt - hurt," Peter says.

Then his eyes grow serious. "But this is me, Harry," he says, and Harry's eyes follow his, down the expanse of the hated red-and-blue outfit. "This is what I am. What I've chosen to be." His eyes meet Harry's again. "And you can hate him all you like. (But you can’t hate him unless you hate me, too.) He is me, Harry. And I am him."

“I needed to know,” Peter says, “Who was more important to you – Spider-Man, or – me.”

Harry feels the weight of confession and revelation and everything Peter's said tonight upon him, and he weighs his hatred of Spider-Man and his sorrow at his father's death and all the time he's spent hating something he now knows he never truly understood, and then he brings that up against all the years he's known Peter Parker, all the times he's felt something in him give whenever Peter smiled, for every time it's hurt when he sees Peter looking at MJ the way he wishes Pete would look at him, and he remembers, above all, what Peter's always helped him with in all the time they've shared together.

Science, Peter's always taught him, has been observation and deduction and application, and Harry balances this the way he would an equation, because there's so much at stake here, weighing everything he's lost against everything he stands to lose, and he comes up with one conclusion.

"Otto Octavius was right about one thing, at least," he says, and he smiles at Peter right before he kisses him back.



Also, No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, the ones I love will always be the ones who pay I don't.can't stop missing my baby. *cries*
Comments 
16th-Aug-2004 12:15 am (UTC)
Awww, this is such a sweet fic. *melts* It's a pity Harry never managed to get Peter out of the suit. XD Then again, his explanation to the doctor makes him sound like he has a kink fetish...er...*runs* So fun and lovely to read anyways! Thanks for sharing!
16th-Aug-2004 01:44 am (UTC)
*blushes* I can't believe you thought it was sweet! *cries, moved*

It's a pity Harry never managed to get Peter out of the suit.

*slow smile*

Who's to say what happened later?

*grin* Gotta thank majokai and abraxan. Without them, this fic would never be.
16th-Aug-2004 12:43 am (UTC)
Do you need constructive crits?

<3 j00.
16th-Aug-2004 01:41 am (UTC)
*wild grin* I know we have a problem with tenses, but I was meant to fix that before I put it up, and I should.

And as for my part, I know I've got:

(i) Major OOC problems, but that's what happens when you write what you want to see, whether it's IC or not (which is what I did, bad aefallen...). Like my Harry being far too trusting, and I don't know what happened to Peter, really I - *sidles away* don't.

(ii) Dialogue going on for way too long. It's an authorial flaw - telling the story via dialogue, instead of action, and that's what I've got. My problem is too much narrative, descriptive, backstory, and dialogue. And not enough action. It's an endemic thing. *covers mouth*

Anything else? (Actually yes. Tell me.)
16th-Aug-2004 01:57 am (UTC)
Well, the part where Harry is trying to get to Peter- I don't think he'd yell "PETE!". He'd yell "PETER!"

I mean, try saying it for yourself.

But otherwise, he'd just call Peter Pete.

I don't really have anything to nitpick with the tenses, though yeah, there are inconsistencies.

16th-Aug-2004 02:12 am (UTC)
*wonder* I leave the office to get a press release from the Ritz Carlton and you've already replied! *smiles*

(Actually does want to try, but am in office. Wail. )

majokai was telling me that it was better for one person to fix the tenses, and the fic was ... with Paris.

And if you're interested - although it's your bandwith I'm worried about - abraxan made this post about a short film of James Franco's which you can actually watch from the link she posts.
16th-Aug-2004 12:54 am (UTC) - Because.
It gives me WAFF. <3
16th-Aug-2004 01:43 am (UTC) - XD
If I read your comments in order, they go, "Do you want constructive criticism? Because (this fic) gives me WAFF."

*dies laughing*

It's my fault. *owns up* I gave in.

(It gives me WAFF.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing, given your views on sap?

*sidles away*)
16th-Aug-2004 01:57 am (UTC)
I don't know.
16th-Aug-2004 02:08 am (UTC)
<3 you, just because.
16th-Aug-2004 12:55 am (UTC)
Interesting reading, but I was expecting someone to to write "and all of a sudden the silence was broken as Lizard wrecked havoc on the streets below..."

Ok maybe not. Don't invite me to any round-robin writing. XD
16th-Aug-2004 01:49 am (UTC)
"and all of a sudden the silence was broken as Lizard wrecked havoc on the streets below..."

*howls with laughter*

Actually, that would be IC.

And this would be my reaction:

"Harry turned towards the window, then back towards Peter. A wry smile touched the corners of his mouth.

"The city can take care of itself tonight," said Peter Parker.

So they continued kissing."
16th-Aug-2004 06:37 pm (UTC)
Poor villians of the Spiderman universe, sitting around wondering why they're being ignored XD
16th-Aug-2004 10:32 pm (UTC)
I'm imagining all the villains crowding ourside the window peering into Peter's apartment seeing Harry be all mushy-wushy to him. Damn. Feel like drawing it.
17th-Aug-2004 12:19 am (UTC)
*beams* Draw it! It sounds like a beautiful idea! *wild grin*

Villians: *are envious*
16th-Aug-2004 02:08 am (UTC) - ARRCH. *CRIES* You didn't have to. You didn't have to. *sobs*
*cries* Oh my God, arrch, I just realized - This means you read the fic! (Yes, mind was not working)

*apologises* Oh my God, I didn't mean to put you through this. *cries* You didn't have to subject yourself to this... *anguish*
16th-Aug-2004 12:07 pm (UTC) - LOL! Poor Arrch!
Yes we can all write round-robin one day, Arrch. We can do funny ones. XD And Ammonium and I were discussing Snarry and she came up with the concept that Severus + Harry = Serry =_=; So I went "What, Serry is Sev/Harry's lovechild?" and much craziness ensues. All elves of Ratal became children of Sev and Harry and Faol became Lupin and Sirius's. Elves are a version of houseelves gone wrong - they are everything house elves are not; they are a domestic horror and not a domestic help, and high upkeep to boot. Also much taller. And Jeslyn owns a fetish clothing store with Eran swinging around and breaking things, as well as frequent shoppers. That's about the summary of it.
16th-Aug-2004 06:35 pm (UTC) - Re: LOL! Poor Arrch!
Ooooh the Jeslyn Fetish shop! Spiderweb stockings and dragonbone corsets!

All your talk of Ratal love children sound scary....
16th-Aug-2004 10:35 pm (UTC) - Re: LOL! Poor Arrch!
You have no idea. Somehow it digressed to who's turn is it to carry the next baby. And one set was twins. M-preg with the help of love-child-conceiving potions, though sadly they didn't read the label in small print that says 'for elves'. And Serry's colours doesn't match his parents so one of them is probably accusing the other of adultery. The problem of Elear and Isilme being a couple might have to be solved with Elear being an adopted child. What wheeeeeful insanity.
16th-Aug-2004 10:41 pm (UTC) - Re: LOL! Poor Arrch!
Conspiracy theories abound! Maybe they belong in the Ratal LJ ;)
17th-Aug-2004 12:28 am (UTC) - Oh, no, this is fine:
I find Ratal Tabloid Material on a distinctly Harry/Peter post extremely amusing.

XD
16th-Aug-2004 12:03 pm (UTC)
You ALL write well! You obviously have not seen me write crap. XD
Am incapable of writing romance in any form. And from what I see, every part of this fic is enjoyable, so be proud! XDD
17th-Aug-2004 12:27 am (UTC)
*smiles* BUT YOU WRITE WELL TOO!

(You haven't seen ME write crap either)

Am incapable of writing romance in any form.

Really?

*pulls out L/S banner*

*colours* *stammers thanks*

17th-Aug-2004 12:24 am (UTC)
i've realised that i cannot read my own parts because they're so amazingly bad.

*cries* No! Without you, there would not have been what I wrote! It was you and your evilness with what both majokai and I clearly took for blood - at least at first - that got us to where we all are! *hugs you*

Without you, there is no me.

he almost got run down as he was crossing the street. He didn't even notice.

I love the idea of Harry being so focused on Peter that he can't even think for his own safety. Self-centered Osborn indeed. *wild grin*

i should so be the one saying this. >.<

Untrue! *clings* It's... all the plot in the fic is you and majokai's doing. *cries and clings*
16th-Aug-2004 03:20 am (UTC)
...since the day he met Peter Parker, glasses, stutter, brilliance, endearing, aching, amazing, dorkiness and overwhelming sincerity and - Peter.

Oh. Ohhhhhhhh. *weeps softly*
17th-Aug-2004 12:25 am (UTC)
*cries with you*

*clings to you*

*comforts*

Glad you liked the line. *smiles*
16th-Aug-2004 08:46 am (UTC)
Aww. This is cute. And quite good for an RR fic; it's consistent and the tone stays even throughout. I liked it. =D
17th-Aug-2004 12:26 am (UTC)
*is unbelievably honoured by this comment*

I'm glad you thought it was cute! *impish grin* And even more glad that you liked it! ; )

Couldn't have done it without majokai and abraxan. They keep my distinctly plotless tendencies in check. *grin*
17th-Aug-2004 06:45 am (UTC)
Oh I loved it, sweet and angsty at the same time.

"I'm going to have to get you out of this, Pete," he says, and for a moment he doesn't know whether he means the suit or this place or this situation, because he knows that this doesn't happen to heroes, heroes don't lie bleeding like this in the night with only their best enemy to call on."

I liked that...How he called Harry because he was his best friend even though he was also his best enemy. and the fact he knew Harry would help him and he did.

"Stop talking, Pete," Harry says, fiercely, with a desperation sharper than any knife he's ever held in his hands. Only Peter could cut him with words like these. He should've known.

of course, its because he loves him so much *swoons* beautiful description by the way.

:D loved it.
20th-Aug-2004 09:16 pm (UTC)
*smiles* Thank you! *smiles helplessly* It helps, incredibly, when you tell me what you liked about the fic. *blushes* And thank you for taking the time to comment! *smiles*

Fic would never have been possible without majokai and abraxan.

*grin* Someday I'll have the courage you have in posting fic. In communities, that is. It's somehow different when I post it on my personal journal, 'cause then only the people I know would know it exists. For some odd reason I still can't bring myself to post in communities.

Thank you once again! *smiles*
(Deleted comment)
20th-Aug-2004 09:17 pm (UTC)
*stalks back obsessively*

You're going to scream at the way I keep leaving comments in your journal in completely random ways, but... I... can't help... myself...

*LOVES YOU* *CLINGS TO* *MISSES INCREDIBLY*
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