baby, be my mafia boss, I'll be your right-hand man

to the people I heart, a lot:

★dorkodile: WELCOME HOME! ♥ ~ AT LAST! ♥

☆ farfello: Do you know I kind of stared at the LJ coding and could think of nothing to type but KAASAN ♥ ♥ ♥ I, HAVE BOOKMARKED DATES OF YOUR RETURN, AND WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN!! ♥

♥ rukia and lacewood: I NEVER THOUGHT THE DAY WOULD COME WHEN I WOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR THE BOTH OF YOU FORCING ME TO SIT THROUGH TMNT, but GUESS WHAT. It helped me HELP MY FIRM get into the top five for the Society Quiz.

( WHERE SPENDING YOUR LIFE ON THE INTERNET ABSORBING TRIVIAL INFORMATION PAYS OFF )

☆ warmperky: CONGRATULATIONS ~ AND CELEBRATIONS! ♥ *THROWS CONFETTI!!* ♥

♡ cynic_in_charge: DINNER SOON OKAY. ♥

★ seki_yumizu FOR THE MOST AMAZING SPANNER-TSUNA COMICS AND CHIBI TSUNA IN A JUMPSUIT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WILL USE ICON FOREVER.

♥ risax: I MISS YOU! ♥

♡ little_ribbon, SEE YOU VERY, IMPOSSIBLY, INCREDIBLY, AND I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-IT'S-ALREADY, SOON ~ ♥

TO THE REST OF YOU: PLEASE MODERATE ALL THIS FILLING MY FRIENDS-LIST WITH SPANNER SPANNER AND MORE SPANNER AND THEN SOME MORE JUMPSUITS, IT MAKES ME KIND OF SIT HERE LIKE AN IDIOT GRINNING AWAY AT THE COMPUTER LIKE A MANIAC AND I CANNOT STOP OR WIPE THE STUPID SMILE OFF MY FACE.

... more QUIZ EVENTS ROFL! So basically, it was WHOLE BUNCH OF HILARITY AND MORE HILARITY, especially where people DID NOT KNOW THE ANSWERS and therefore started MAKING UP THEIR OWN. HERE ARE SOME OF THE BEST:

All names involved have all been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

MC: "On which day and where is the Society Dinner and Dance Held?"
Famiglia X: "Friday, at Gokudera Hayato's house."
Millefiore Conglomerate's answer: "Irie Shouichi will sleep with anyone to win this question. Just say the name."
The Poor Victim, I assume, to the General Uproarious Laughter and Universal Mockage: "WHO WROTE THAT?!"

[In the Cartoon Category]: MC: "The next question... I know some of you are of A Certain Vintage and may not be watching these cartoons, but you may have children who do."
An Eminent Lawyer: *STANDS UP* *points to one of the lawyers at his table* "THIS IS MY SON!"
MC: ".... Name all the eight official Disney Princesses."

And when the answers for the Disney Princess question came around:
MC: "No, 'S.P.G.' is not the right answer; 'Aladdin's girlfriend' is not her name; ... and... who is this Gokudera Hayato person whose name keeps appearing all over the place?"

( the answers within bear no resemblance whatsoever to the truth. )

( so this was how this post started )

And then I realised that if I began that way the ENTIRE POST would be all about law and it was VERY VERY SCARY and there really, really is something else I would rather talk about.

Reborn Chapter 202
...oh, my God. Amano hasn't made me this happy since Chapter 187.

ohgod, world. You can keep your Hibari, I only have eyes for Spanner.

( no, wait, I have one 山本 comment )

so where was I - oh yes.
( YOU ARE MY UNFORGETTABLE FIRE )

also. while I'm on the topic.
Why did no one see fit to inform me that Graham Spectre (or Spektor) of Baccano
IS, BASICALLY, SPANNER -
AS A RAVING PSYCOPATH

Okay, fine: this is probably because not many people watched Baccano, to begin with, and Graham only turned up in Episodes 14 - 16, which were released on the DVDs, and therefore not part of the 1 - 13 arc that was Baccano proper. BUT STILL.
Listen, does this sound familiar?

wow image explosion in here, guys
( blond Mafia mechanic in a jumpsuit with a wrench )

( very very into the kidnapping of others )

Also when he really likes someone, he shows his love by telling them that THEY CAN USE HIS WAREHOUSE ANYTIME. He's like my visual Spanner until Spanner gets animated, but I don't know if Spanner will get animated as PRETTILY as Graham did.
( ... what the. )

Full-day hearing tomorrow, so full-time stress-meter on today, much helped by meeting elvaron and M for lunch. ♥

Today is a special day, because it marks my time as a trainee lawyer finally and unbelievably coming to an end. Also noteworthy for the fact that Hibari's birthday fell at some point in the past few days when I was staring non-stop at injunction research. ONE DAY WHEN I GROW UP will I be able to bite people to death all by myself? ♥ One day, too, I will make a post about how my EPIC EMO at my occasionally not being able to do what the boss wants rivals Gokudera's in laughability, but then I tell myself to stop being internally hysterical and to stop kicking myself dammit and to take a deep breath, because I'm still learning and I will have to learn to forgive myself for making mistakes once in a while and not beat myself up viciously about it.

So anyway! All trainee lawyers have to complete this checklist of To-Do Things that are supposed to give us the right grounding and adequate experience in the profession (the checklist annoys me to no end because A LOT of what I do was never covered by the checklist. WHAT KIND OF CHECKLIST leaves out discovery and keeps due diligence in, for godssakes?! A CHECKLIST DRAFTED BY A CORPORATE LAWYER, OBVIOUSLY). So this checklist is supposed to remind you that you need to learn about court etiquette and how to dress and conduct yourself in court and I am: You know, I CAN THINK OF MORE FUN WAYS IN WHICH TO LEARN THAT. LIKE:

( which of these people won't get kicked out of court? )

And ohgod today I laughed so hard at THIS, in America's Sweethearts:

Narrator: Justice never tasted so sweet...
...as in The Bench.

Catherine Zeta Jones, as a wide-eyed defendant: I didn't do it. I'm innocent. Why won't anyone believe me?!

John Cusack (as her attorney): I object!

Judge: You're out of order!

John Cusack: No, you're out of order!
I object to the way my client has been treated.
I object that I've let my professional judgment...
...become clouded by my feelings for her.
I object to the way the room spins when she walks in.
I object, Your Honor, because I love this woman!

Aaaand then the attorney and the witness share a passionate kiss on the witness stand.

... AND THEN I LAUGHED SO DAMN HARD.

and because I HAD TO SAY it:
( your fantasy, my reality: or, why you shouldn't try this in court )

One of the nightmare cases I worked on recently resurrected in a most horrifying manner. When I picked up the printouts at the common printer my blood ran cold AND:

( this flashed through my mind )
Also and when I came home and dazedly told my mom, "One of our cases resurrected." ... she thought I was talking about a patient.

short and sweet summary of the week


this is my actual phone lol
because MY boss tops all

although omg yamakkun you're the BEST. ♥

Even though we don't have to be cryptic anymore:

yama-kun: I've got bad news.
me: what happened?
yama-kun: bianchi eve's here.
me: ...

ANYWAY, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN PERMITTED TO ANNOUNCE IT,
cynic_in_charge is HERE! ♥
also, we are thinking of doing a meetup/karaoke session sometime soon, and
EVERYONE IS WELCOME
so do let me know/come if you're interested!
So this morning I woke up canonically wracked with agony - obviously because I was meeting Eve (really, it was because I was doing this yesterday - gods I hadn't swum in ages, and my body made me pay for it. BUT PAINKILLERS WORK WONDERS and soon I was on my way to meet Eve! lacewood joined us later, and we had a great lunch (with LOTS OF DESSERT) and then we ambled over to Kinokuniya (where I bought the first volume of the licensed Reborn manga (of course I HAD TO own the volume where Tsuna and Gokudera first met), and lacewood bought Volumes 13 and 15 of the Chinese translation. LANCHIA SO KICKASS. XANXUS = I WANT TO KICK HIS ASS. ohgod, and we laughed so hard at the Bleach promo poster that had a fabulous view of Renji's ass.).

( and then we forced the Reborn manga on Eve. )

( BECAUSE EVEN REBORN REMINDS ME OF LAW OH MY GOD. )

Legal humour, because I really need it now.

See, this (link from warmperky, many thanks! Includes all the actual cases, too!) is why I don't need Phoenix Wright. Law in real life provides all the crack I'll ever need.

Lowering the Bar Presents: The Case Law Hall of Fame
Washington v. Alaimo (S.D. Ga. 1996).
Plaintiff ordered to show cause why he should not be sanctioned for "filing a motion for improper purposes." The allegedly "improper purposes" are hinted at by the title of the pleading, "Motion to Kiss My Ass." Sanctions imposed.
[The motion proper is full of hilarious profanity which I sadly cannot repeat here, but the text of the case is linked! Go see!]

Bradshaw v. Unity Marine Corp. (S.D. Tex. 2001)
"Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact--complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words--to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed."
[Oh God, I've seen pleadings like that]

[And my FAVOURITE ;D]
Fisher v. Lowe (Mich. Ct. App. 1983)

We thought that we would never see
A suit to compensate a tree.
A suit whose claim in tort is prest
Upon a mangled tree's behest;
A tree whose battered trunk was prest
Against a Chevy's crumpled crest;
A tree that faces each new day
With bark and limb in disarray;
A tree that may forever bear
A lasting need for tender care.
Flora lovers though we three,
We must uphold the court's decree.

[And, the Asch-vs-Luke or YGO case]
Lodi v. Lodi (Cal. Ct. App. 1985).
"This case started when plaintiff Oreste Lodi sued himself in the Shasta County Superior Court."

Noble v. Bradford Marine Inc. (S.D. Fla. 1992).
This case, decided not long after "Wayne's World" was released, was remanded after an extreme close-up review of very excellent authorities revealed that the removal was most bogus and way improvident. Defendants ordered to "party on in state court."

( and more! )

So! arrch and ultra_butterfly linked the Flash version of the new Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice game (alternative site). I must admit at this point that I keep very quiet whenever anyone gets extremely excited about Phoenix Wright, for, among other things, these reasons. But then I saw the links and I was, "Hey, Flash version! And it is true that I have never tried this game out, namely because I have never seen anything in it that would make me want to play it! But I really should give everything a try!" So!

WARNING:
1. Extensive screencapping (I make 26, guys)
2. Intrusive legal commentary and occasional YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! SO WRONG!
3. Inappropriate interpretation :D :D :D
4. Completely gratuitious YGO parallels
(look, this time I didn't even have to try (again!)! They go on and on about a card game!)
5. Even MORE inappropriate Gurren Lagann references
(... I REALLY DID NOT HAVE TO TRY ON THIS ONE OKAY, the main character's name is JUSTICE, so if you believe in justice, you are believing in the Justice WHO BELIEVES IN YOU)

This is Ace Attorney: The Mock Trial version.

Fair warning: I did mock trials for the first two years I was in university, and in my third and last year, I judged them. You aren't quite going to get my usual sort of commentary here. I try to go easy on the law, and don't worry. I wasn't as negative about this game as I make myself out to be.
CUT FOR SPOILERS TOO
( justice isn't a game. )

( CUT FOR SPECTACULAR SPOILER (yeah, right, five minutes into a preview) )

( here come the YGO references )
And to be honest I got really bored around here. So that's all from me! But have fun playing!

One day, I will explain exactly how the conduct of litigation is exactly like a game of Duel Monsters, or Magic: The Gathering, or any combat-oriented card game, really, with the first player as the Plaintiff and the second player as the Defendant, and instead of shouting, "IT'S MY TURN!" the parties go, "IT'S MY TURN... TO SERVE INTERROGATORIES!" "REQUEST for Further and Better Particulars!" "No, I make an ORDER for F&BP!" "AGHHHHH!!! I have to give discovery!!"

... oh God, I could clean up an entire battle from YGO manga scans and rework it for litigation! 0________________________0 AND IT WOULD WORK!

Oh, trust me, it really is very exciting. And then after that I would write the post about why I simply can't do the Puzzleshipping thing despite it being the thing I started reading YGO for, because it is just too much like the life of a trainee lawyer. This really will make sense when I explain it, but not today. Because I was in the office at 8.30am and I was still at my desk after handing work I was given today in at 10.15pm when I got a call about work, and it is now 2.05am and I am typing this with an 360+++page affidavit in my lap.

Main similarity between the life of a trainee lawyer and puzzleshipping? You spend a lot of time doing impossible things for your aibou.

Main difference? IRL, when your aibou says JUMP, you don't ASK how high, you just say, FROM WHERE, HOW LONG DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY IN THE AIR, and Do You Want the Moon and Stars on My Way Down? And you say it with a smile.

SO! Because someone special asked: this isn't actually the answer, but one day I will get the courage to post it (and there will be great D: when I do). And until then I will work up my courage by posting in tiny pieces!

I wrote this during last year's examinations, when I only knew the vaguest outlines of YGO's Millenium Kingdom/Memory Arc canon. I knew next to nothing, but I really wanted to capture my idea of what I thought would happen before seeing how the mangaka actually made it happen, so I wrote this. I had a lot of fun writing it, probably for all the wrong reasons.

WARNING: SPOILERS for the YGO Egyptian Arc, (just a little, I think I was shockingly accurate in my predications for some parts), and canon-breaking because I didn't know what Atem and Seth were like when I wrote it. So I imagined characterisation for them the way I wanted it and this is what I got.

Characters: Atem and Seth.
Rating: Completely G.
Word-count: 826

( author's note on key differences between the story and YGO canon )

( sun and moon )

This site was the first which made me realise Terry Pratchett could be seriously funny, and I am gratified to see that it still exists on the Internet to this day! This particularly memorable quote is useful for this post:

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four. This is important. Inexperienced travellers thing that 'Aargh!!!' is universal, but in Betrobi, it means 'highly enjoyable' and in Howondaland it means, variously, 'I would like to eat your foot', 'Your wife is a big hippo' and 'Hello, Thinks Mr Purple Cat.' One particular tribe has a fearsome reputation for cruelty merey because prisoners appear, to them, to be shouting 'Quick! Extra boiling oil!'
- Interesting Times
Should you find yourself in a similar situation and wish to scream DO NOT WANT in Japanese, here are a few quick pointers. I am dispensing with polite forms because in such a situation you are likely to have no time for courtesy, and whoever it is you are screaming it at is unlikely to respond to it.

(1) Level 1 DO NOT WANT, for the beginner: IIE will do.
(2) Level 2: IYA DAME!!! will do.
*Note: for certain species of yaoi fangirl, this phrase sometimes means this.
(3) Level 3: MOU, YAMETE! ZETTAI YADA!
(Sharing of other elaborate and creative ways to scream NO are also welcomed)

This also relates perfectly to How Today Went.
( Simon and Rossiu Explain the Life of a Young Lawyer-In-Training )

I know I look at life through law-tinted glasses, but SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN NEED TO TRY THAT HARD:

( Rossiu EXPLAINS THIS COOL NEW THING they call THE TRIAL )

This post is purely to express my D: that the word 相棒 (partner, this is not helped by the fact that in the English language that word ALSO has an association) NO LONGER MEANS ANYTHING INNOCENT TO ME ANY MORE AND I BLAME YGO COMPLETELY.

I MEAN. It already did not mean anything particularly innocent to me because of ( these two ), but ( THESE TWO ) KIND OF MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE, such that when I see ( THESE TWO ) sealed my FATE, along with THAT fabulous scene where Yoko goes: "LET ME FIGHT WITH YOU KAMINA" Kamina goes "NO SIMON WILL FIND HIS COURAGE AND ANYWAY HE IS MY 相棒" and also, as they say in the Supernatural fandom, bros before h0s I'M SORRY YOKO it is not your fault that you are drawn that way I was :D :D :D HE SAID 相棒 and that's when I realised YGO had corrupted THAT ASSOCIATION (and also THIS ONE) and I was FACEPALM.

And then after Simon FOUND HIS COURAGE and he and Kamina did that FANTASTIC FIRST GATTAI OF AWESOME and Yoko went ///// YOU GUYS ARE 好い相棒か (good partners) I beamed from ear to ear.

I would be ashamed except for the part where I am ENJOYING EVERY SECOND OF IT ♥

I KNEW that the YGO obsession would pay off one day, and it paid off handsomely the other day when I had to do research for a case and turned up a neighbouring-state case decided by NONE OTHER than a certain Justice Malik. Not only THAT, but Justice Malik's full name was ONLY TWO LETTERS OFF from Malik Ishtar. I read through the ENTIRE CASE HAPPILY despite the fact that it was tangentially related to the true purpose of my research, because (1) hey, who knows when a law case will come in useful? I've read related cases that weren't useful at the moment but later became useful for other matters, and (2) I WANT TO KNOW WHAT JUSTICE MALIK SAID. :D And I can't help but think it SO COOL that our research tool lets us search EVERY LISTED DECISION BY A PARTICULAR JUDGE ON A DATABASE ♥

AND. HAVE ANOTHER WORD THAT NO LONGER MEANS ANYTHING INNOCENT TO ME: 合体. (GATTAI: meaning, "combine").
WARNING: VERY IMAGE-HEAVY
( SIMON AND KAMINA EXPLAIN WHY (and Yoko is a slash fangirl. )