Log in

No account? Create an account
trust me
Some moments are going to be like Gwendal in that icon, but others... they're gonna be gold. 
27th-Oct-2005 03:09 am
I would rather knit a cactus
My decision to come here on this course was one of the most rational decisions I've ever made in my life. Note that rational doesn't instantly bring one happiness. The main reason I took it up was this - it was the fastest way to get the most practical degree. Now I understand that this point can be contradicated in a number of valid ways (Economics is a three-year course, too!), and I won't contest the issue. The thing is - I never expected to be this fulfilled and happy on this degree, and it always comes as a pleasant surprise when I am. There is a workmanlike joy anyone can get from doing a job well - any job. It's the satisfaction of doing a task well, and knowing that you've done well. This could be anything - tidying up your room, painting a wall, running laps on a track. But there is a satisfaction beyond this. I don't quite know how to describe it. "Intellectual happiness" is a pale shadow of what I mean, but for me - It's the way I feel when I read a really good judgement on a law case, and think YES. It's what it's like to read the papers and understand what the economic and financial pages are talking about. It's being able to look at the world and know what's going on. I hate that I sound a little pretentious, maybe, when I say these things, but it's so true. It's when you figure out a tough statute to draft advice for a client, and you know you've done well and the lawyer in charge says so too.

Tonight I judged a mock trial for the first time in my life, and as tough as mooting (arguing at a mock trial was), I'd say judging is harder! *laughter* If you're counsel in a mock trial, you've only got to keep track of two arguments - yours and opposing counsel's. If you're a judge, you've got to keep track of four! And you've got to tell them what they did right and what they did wrong, not only legally, but procedurally. Such as, they could have fantastic courtroom manner, and a stellar argument, but when they call you Your Honour you just know they've been watching too much American television. It's one of the most basic principles of English courtroom manner that the judge is never addressed as Your Honour. It's "Your Lordship". Or Ladyship, in the interests of gender equality. It was absolutely great. I went to bed at 4am in the morning (superfluous yes) because I was up preparing the arguments, and today just went great. I don't think anyone knows how nervous I am when it comes to these things. It never shows. But I am.

What I love about doing this is that when I'm judging or mooting, everything, everything outside of the moot, leaves my mind. There is no fandom, there is no world outside the here and now, there is just the argument and the knowledge that I've got everything I need to bring it crashing down. Law is the ultimate power trip. Well, one of them, at least. It's when I'm making an argument that I am at my most confident and assured, because I know I'm right and I can prove it. It isn't like the subjectivity of friendships and relationships and stories and everything else I love. It's something entirely other, and that's what makes it take your breath away.

Before I started this degree, when I thought I had to become a lawyer if I did this, one of the things I most wanted to do was to become one of those lawyers who made you want to become a lawyer. Because I've had that in my life. If I'm any good at all it's because I met people who were good, and I know it when I see it, and I know that's what I want to be. From the days I was in school and on job shadowing in law firms, to being an intern, and even when I'm a student reading one of the clearest and most satisfying judgements I've ever read in my life, I've had these moments when I know This is it. This is worth everything. And that's something to remember, because everything is difficult! Everything! Everything that's worth anything to you will be difficult! Sometimes you're going to hate your work! Sometimes you're going to hate the people around you! Sometimes you're going to hate yourself. Oh, that's the worst one, when you think, or know, that you just aren't good enough. I get so frustrated sometimes, but that's not what this is about.

I've used the analogy, before, of my law degree and I being much like a match-made marriage. I didn't love the law. I chose it. I didn't love it the way I loved history and literature. But one can learn to love. And sometimes, in moments like these, I know everything was worth it.
27th-Oct-2005 02:35 am (UTC)
I hope that one day, I'll feel like that about what I'm doing ^__^
27th-Oct-2005 02:49 am (UTC)
*hugs you tight* I hope you will, too. *beams*

*grin* For me it's 90% WTHAMIDOING?!, 5% Hey this isn't so bad, and 5% This is worth it all, even being up at 4am to summarise law cases. *dies!* XD

LJ makes it better, too! >D
27th-Oct-2005 02:55 am (UTC)
LJ is love and exhibitionism~~
27th-Oct-2005 02:49 am (UTC)
CONGRATULATIONS!! That you found the calling in life or something that really makes you happy!! I haven't found it yet, although I'm more than half way through the course! >__< But it's good to keep the inner passion alive for that will drive you through the really crappy times! hee hee!
27th-Oct-2005 02:52 am (UTC)
<3 <3 That is so gorgeous and inspirational. I'm so happy that you've found something you truly feel deeply about ^___^. Hopefully I will be able to find that too in the future...
27th-Oct-2005 03:45 am (UTC)
I'm glad (and very happy for you!) that you love what you're doing. It's a gift to have that kind of passion, to know when something feels right, and that this something is what is in front of you.
27th-Oct-2005 03:47 am (UTC)
I'm so happy for you, girl! I know how it feels, it's the same way with my writing.
27th-Oct-2005 04:07 am (UTC)
Hugs you =))))

I'm glad you are feeling so accomplished. =)

27th-Oct-2005 05:03 am (UTC)

i'm so happy that you're happy with what you're doing right now.
it's always a wonderful feeling.
27th-Oct-2005 05:12 am (UTC)
So awesome that you've found something you like doing job-wise! I am so happy for you!

Oh, that's the worst one, when you think, or know, that you just aren't good enough.
Augh, yeah, hi, that's me in just about everything. DIES. I don't even know what I want to pursue as a career. *flails* No matter. I will find something eventually. :)
27th-Oct-2005 05:56 am (UTC)
Wow. *hugs* ^__^

That was great. ^__^

*hugs again*
27th-Oct-2005 09:22 am (UTC)
Man. This made me reconsider my decision to never, ever take law when I go into university. It's great to hear stories of people who are actually doing the stuff they love.
27th-Oct-2005 10:45 am (UTC)
YAY for you! It makes me happy to hear people being so happy :D
27th-Oct-2005 11:35 am (UTC)
For your case, you're the sort of person who tries to love what you do, and it's no surprise that after all that searching and attempting to love it (more than you already somewhat do), you found the part of it that makes everything worthwhile. I'd attribute it to your hard work and perseverence. If it were anyone else, he/she might never find it. *nod nod*

Passion in doing things is so very important - without drive or some sort of motivation/determination there will be no improvement or satisfaction in anything.

And, since fluffyduck plugged this game preview thing about a lawyer game here, I'll plug it here too - it seems so fun :D

28th-Oct-2005 12:25 am (UTC)
aefallen = future Maya Fey

~reads the linky~
27th-Oct-2005 01:01 pm (UTC) - *HUGS YOU TIGHTLY*
*so happy for you*

It's AWESOME that you know it's what you're MEANT to do. Because most people are so lost. I'm waiting for that spark to appear in my life too. Passion is so important, you know? It will be horrid to go through life just going through the motions. I predict I will change jobs thrice in my first year. *grins*
27th-Oct-2005 01:21 pm (UTC)
Wah... I'm moved ^_^
You're lucky to be this passionate about your studies/future job. I wish I knew this kind of joy ^^;
Keep going! ^_^
27th-Oct-2005 01:21 pm (UTC)
(and I love your "determined Wolfram" icon too ;p
27th-Oct-2005 02:43 pm (UTC)
yokatta na!!! i look around at so many other people in my course and, unlike you, the course chose them; they ended up in it by the process of elimination and they don't like, like it, and it rather saddening =( *HUGS YOU!*

i can make it for corpse bride tomorrow! drop me a text or call me! i'm not going to be in school today and my internet is dead. (updating from someone else's computer, whose wireless doesn't suck half as bad) i'll be in school tomorrow though!~ brunch bowl from 12
27th-Oct-2005 02:58 pm (UTC)

*giggles at Jana nearly pulling my arm off*

We need to go buy pumpkins, omg. But you are just so..omg. *huggles you*

Hee, is it silly that I've only hated law until a few months ago? *laughs* But it's so nice to hear you go all determined and then happy!tired after. I only felt like that once when I was tired and panting and I really just wanted to throw my racket down ;) It's things like that that make you realise you shouldn't give up, ne? Cause it's damn nice to feel like that once in a while. *g* Should go look for a new club closer to Kapellen now. *pouts* The weird things you make me do :P

*giggle* Could it be that my favourite fangirl is just really competitive? ;)
27th-Oct-2005 06:05 pm (UTC)

Wow...a future judge? ^___^ Is 'Your Ladyship' an aspired title? *bows*

I'm glad that there's going to be at least one conscientious lawyer/potential judge in the future. Um...do you have to wear that white wig...thingie? What's it called?

27th-Oct-2005 09:29 pm (UTC)
yo senpai! sounds good that u really found what u wanna do in life ^0^ haha, ur story sounds like those chicken soup for the soul thingies but yes~ may u b thoroughly fulfilled in ur lawyer career to come!
28th-Oct-2005 04:00 am (UTC)
Hello again Master!

This was an interesting read. It got me thinking about all those people who do Law because they watched Ally McBeal or medicine because they liked ER, and then discovering that the real world is a pale comparison to the conjoured up dramas in TV shows. I guess closer to my own experience is the many people who end up doing computing because they love computer games and want to make them, only to discover that they lack the determination or motivation to put in the hard work or passion about what they want. In the end, it's better to learn to love something that you are doing, then to pretend to love it for superficial reasons.
This page was loaded Feb 23rd 2019, 11:38 pm GMT.