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Dearest Shi-O, was I really such a naughty boy? 
23rd-May-2007 09:09 pm
Reborn - Yamamoto CHIBITA
It's so strange when you chance upon accounts of the way you used to be, written by other people. Reading one's own LJ entries can still come as a surprise - case in point, I used to be like this, and though it was written one-and-a-half years ago, it's so irrepressibly genki and high-on-life that I'm amazed at how I've changed since then.

It's sometimes even more amusing when you read what others wrote about you. I lived in Boston, Massachusetts, for a time when I was young, and my mother wrote letters to her family about our life there. My aunt came over on a visit with the cousins today ♥ (REVEAL YOURSELVES, RELATIVES ♥ is what I yell when I get home XD), and she brought three letters my mother had written.

I was two-and-a-half then, and the me that my mother describes - Heh.



"She's in good hands," wrote my mother, "Giving us a terrible time. Sometimes I believe she treats us like slaves and manipulates us to do whatever she wants."

Then she mentions that I go to play with a son of a parental friend, who was two at the time. According to my mother, I "always beat up the boy, quarrelling over toys - she is so aggressive."



Tried out this alignment test, and to my horror, ended up

Your Score: True Neutral


56% Good, 42% Chaotic



Plane of Existence: The Outlands, "Plane of Concordant Opposition". Description: The plane between all other outer planes.

Examples of True Neutrals (Ethically Neutral, Morally Neutral)

Red XIII, "Nanaki" (FFVII)
Vincent Valentine (FFVII)
Cid Highwind (FFVII)
Mr. Spock
Linus Torvalds
Dr. Strangelove
Scott Evil
Batman
The Punisher
Switzerland
Canada

Not actively for or against anything. Has his or her own reasons for doing everything. Usually difficult to understand.

Will keep their word if in their best interest
May attack an unarmed foe
May use poison
May help those in need
May work with others
Indifferent to higher authority
Indifferent to organizations

True Neutral "Pure Neutral"
"Balancer"


Some neutral [people] commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They are of the true neutral alignment as described in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.

A true neutral [person] sees good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. He advocates the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run.

Some true neutral [people] actively support balance in the world, and seek to avoid having any one side, law or chaos, good or evil, become too powerful over them or anyone else, and will work against whichever side is the most powerful. They tend to side with the underdog in any situation, and are often opportunistic in their actions.

True neutral is committed to the avoidance of extremes, and is non-judgemental.
Other Alignments and Tendencies (Tendenices are what you would more often sway towards; esp. for Neutrals):
0-39% Good, 0-39% Chaotic:Lawful-Evil
0-39% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: Neutral-Evil
0-39% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Evil
40-60% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Neutral
40-60% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Neutral
61-100% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Good
61-100% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: Neutral-Good
61-100% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Good</i>

Link: The Alignment Test written by xan81 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
. I ended up Neutral Good on the traditional Wizards Alignment Test - to which I say, the hell? I used to be Lawful Good - before I started studying law, too! But the curious thing is, after I studied law, I had less respect for the law than before I started, because I could now see how and why it could and would be, and indeed, is, flawed. I still believe that it's good that it exists (after all, I believe humans are fundamentally chaotic and evil creatures and need to be smacked, or threatened with a smacking, repeatedly so that they will behave and not abuse other people), but I'm no longer naturally convinced that it's necessarily a good thing.

I start work next Monday. D: I will spend my last remaining free days by doing exactly as I wish - most of the time. Other than Japanese lessons on Saturday - my exam is next Saturday, and while learning Japanese is fun, studying it is an entirely different kettle of cheegles, except not as cute or kickable. >D I still want to make so many crazy posts about the absolute rubbish I love (you too, Luke ♥).
Comments 
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23rd-May-2007 02:19 pm (UTC)
*snugs tight!* I hope to be! Though sometimes I can't help but think that we lose a little of that as we grow older.

!!! Why yes! It was a really great coincidence! ♥
I HOPE TO BUMP INTO YOU MORE IN THE FUTURE ♥
LOVES HUGGING PEOPLE. Especially if they are you. ♥

XDDDDD Parental memories of us are such good FUN.
Even if (and sometimes especially if) they are embarrassing. XD
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23rd-May-2007 02:32 pm (UTC)
*nods* It must be graduation! Nii-san's changed too! She's now the HUGEST MASOCHISTIC WORKAHOLIC EVER *GLARES AT HER!* Wonder how I'll be in a year's time @___@

But 想当年-ing is fun :) It's always good for some laughs and lots of happy memories :)

Chibi Kadaj, it's a rare wonderful day in London! There's so much sun and the sky is so beautifully clear, and it's so. damn. fscking. warm. Wish you were here so we could drag Nii-san out (from work!) and have sandwiches and smoothies at Lincoln's Inn Fields!
23rd-May-2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
omg emos at your usericon because it says youth and then has the SETTING SUN. *grin*

! EVIL GRADUATION! Evil growing up and having WORK to do!
(... you know, I still bet I'll read fanfiction. LOTS OF IT.)

I hope that even if you are the hugest masochistic workaholic, you will still find joy in small things, like baking with new blueberries, cute guys, and great anime! ♥

Reminiscing is fun, if we stick to the good memories. *grin* But actually - sometimes the bad memories are also good to remember, because it reminds us of how we've changed since then, and that we could handle the stuff which we thought was so difficult at the time. Heh. LIFE IS A CHAIN OF MEMORIES, ONE AFTER THE OTHER. AND ONLY YOU HOLD THE KEY TO MY HEART ♥

!!! I'm so glad it's glorious weather in London! I loved those days so much! ♥ I WISH WE COULD DRAG NIISAN OUT FROM WORK TOO. XDDDD And man, I love Lincoln's Inn Fields - despite the fact that I worked there over the summer in my second year, I'd never actually eaten lunch there until that day picnicking with you and Niisan. ♥
23rd-May-2007 02:51 pm (UTC)
I start work next Monday.

Guess what?

I start work next Monday.

I wish I had more remaining free days. It feels like a whole chunk of my life has just ended and another about to start...
23rd-May-2007 03:33 pm (UTC) - WHAT?! THIS IS FATE!!!
YOU START WORK NEXT MONDAY?! OH MY HEAVENS! ♥ THIS IS FATE!

CONGRATULATIONS! ♥ I knew you were to start work soon but didn't know when! ;)

Worlds apart, a milestone begins for us on the same day!!!

OH SOBS - I know exactly how you feel. D: My idyllic (comparatively!) student days are slipping out of my hands and soon I will be CONSUMED by the demands of EMPLOYMENT!

Doesn't it feel just like the holidays ending, as school starts? Only now this is the REAL-WORLD SCHOOL?
23rd-May-2007 03:28 pm (UTC)
i enjoy reading my old blogs/LJ/whatnot. relives the memories. also read my old handwritten journals when i DO find them around the house. LOL
23rd-May-2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
I do too, actually! *grin* Usually I read them and go - oh my heavens, I was so innocent then! I'm sure I'll look back on this one day and think the same thing. XDDDD

omg sometimes my handwritten journals make me feel so silly. XDDDDDDD hee ~ But I am glad you enjoy your memories! ;) They are there, we might as well enjoy them! ;)
23rd-May-2007 03:30 pm (UTC)
Holy terror indeed. *laughs* That sounds like my little sister, except extend the reign of the iron fist about fifteen years. Of course, the boy she used to beat up all the time now aspires to marry her. *snerks*

I would never be able to study law. -_-' It seems like it would be a ridiculously huge amount of information to process and remember, and those are two things I do not do well. : \ Good luck with your job!! ♥
23rd-May-2007 03:51 pm (UTC)
Oh! I wanted to tell you that I loved this icon of yours! XD It describes my feelings towards Asch perfectly! *EVIL GRIN*

HOLY TERROR, YES! ;) It should be an Abyss mystic arte. ;) And for FIFTEEN YEARS! I mellowed as I grew older.

And the boy she used to beat up wants to marry her! VIOLENCE = LOVE! It's like how little boys in kindergarten used to throw rocks at girls to show that they liked them! XD

You never know, you might? *grin* I never actually even thought of studying law until two months before I had to choose whether or not to do it. A lot of people who read law, or who went into the profession, didn't think they could or wanted to do it until they did. ;) But yeah - it's a lot of memory work and information processing. *snug* Thank you so much for the well-wishes, I'll certainly need them! ♥
23rd-May-2007 06:33 pm (UTC) - *snug snug*
You used to live in Boston! Do you recall which area? I visit there regularly, heck, I'm going there in another month! Would you like pictures? <3

I think I've sounded the same all my life...actually, I might be the opposite. I think I sound more...energetic now than I ever have before. I emo a lot, but I did more so back then.
But you know what I think it is? I think you still ARE a happy, fun girl~
I just think the times have made you just a bit more serious and you've been so busy with things, but your energetic self is still there! <3
*hugs you tight*

You're very responsible, you know there is a time to play and a time to be serious, that's all. :3

And, oh god, horror stories from parents about childhood? My parents have SO many about me...I wasn't really EVIL, but I was...such a stupid kid. XDDD
My dad's fondest memory of me was when he was outside washing his car and left me inside the house (I was about 8) playing with my toys. At the time I was SO fascinated by the phone and I wanted to talk on it so I picked it up and dialed the ONLY number I knew.
911.
And, apparently (as relayed from the emergency dispatch unit to my father), they proceeded to ask me, "Where is your mom?"
"I don't know."
"Where is your dad?"
"Out the door." (To which they thought I said "On the floor.")
And an ambulance, fire truck, and 2 police cars were immediately sent to my home...and pulled up to the driveway to see what they assumed was a suspicious man outside handling a car.
My dad...had quite a time explaining things to them. XD;;;;

Good luck with work! You're so lucky!
What kind of work is it? :D *is curious*
I wish you luck on your exam! It's weird to see exams still going when school is gone, for me at least. XD But I think that is good when it comes to learning languages. :D
23rd-May-2007 07:50 pm (UTC) - THAT. Has got to be one of the best childhood stories I've ever heard.
Yeah! *grin* We used to live on Brookline Avenue, here. You go to Boston regularly? *grin* Isn't that really far up for you? (Your brother lives there?) !Thank you for the lovely offer, but I don't want you to go out of your way! *grin* I have photographs of my time there - of me as a kid, attempting to wear a pillow on my head, running around an apple orchard, attempting to grab a dandelion, playing in the autumn leaves - I was two and a half when I was there. XD You're going up again for the anime convention, right? ;) HAVE FUN ♥ Makes me wish I was still there so I could see you! ;)

*hugs you tight for the emo!* Still, I'm glad that you're happier and less-emo now: if only all of us did that in the course of our lives! *grin* And thank you for your kind words: it gives me hope in myself. *griiin* I like being happy and fun the best, and I want to be that way, because I notice that happy people make others happy best, and I really like making people happy.

I think I went through a lot of rubbish in the past one-and-a-half years. *wry smile* I do my best not to let it get me down, and I try to focus as best I can on the good things.

*grin!* Thank you ♥ Sometimes I like being serious because it makes HAVING FUN so much MORE fun. ;) Just like the exams make me treasure my FREE TIME all the more! ;)

... that has got to be one of the best childhood stories EVER. ♥ Thank you so much for sharing it with me, that is absolutely PRICELESS. ♥ You weren't stupid! You were just sweet and innocent and really, really adorable. ♥ It makes a really good story, too! ;)

911 and "Out the door." (To which they thought I said "On the floor.") are my FAVOURITE parts of the story. ♥ *BURSTS OUT LAUGHING SO HARD* This is the most amazing story ever. ♥ I don't even have one that rivals it! :)))) Or if I do, I must THINK! XD

*grin* Lucky? I'm not sure about that - we'll see, when work starts, whether I start staggering home at 2am... *grin* I'm going to start working in the legal profession: as the lowest on the ladder! *grin*

Hee! Japanese exams definitely need luck! :) Whenever the going gets tough, I think "FOR ABYSS!" and I CAN DO IT! (just kidding, but being able to read Abyss doujin is a great incentive). Lots of tests and exams are definitely good, but they are SO TIRING. And languages are not my forte (the English language is, but languages in general? No, sob). XD

23rd-May-2007 08:54 pm (UTC)
I've been reminiscing a lot recently too - a couple of weeks ago I suddenly wanted to listen to FM93.3 again - and I haven't listened to that station since I was 13! The dedication programme that I used to listen to everyday was on and it was as if nothing had changed. Then they started playing this Jeff Chang song circa 1996 and that brought up a whole lot of memories. ^^

I'm still a bit = = about reading my old blog that dates back to my secondary school days - I've read some of the stuff that I wrote back then and truthfully speaking, I was pompous with a major stick up my a**. I hated it when Harris and Cook said that when we were back in JC but looking back now, I do agree with them. ^^

Oh, and I did the alignment test too - 56% good, 48% chaotic. It probably is a lawyer thing... we see everything as shades of grey - do you know how difficult it is to get an absolute statement from a lawyer? :D

As for changing - it's one of the sad things about growing up. And you're too grounded and too smart to lock yourself into a fantasy bubble and ignore everything that's happening around you... And while I've always loved the genki you of the past, I think I like the you that still tries to be happy and genki despite all the crap that gets thrown at you even more - because that's actually a lot harder.

Not sure if that makes any sense but yeah, it's something like that. ^^
24th-May-2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
The funny thing is - as I get older, I seem to reminisce more? Maybe it's just that as I get older there are more memories to reminisce from. And oh, man. Emil Chau songs have the same effect on me as Jeff Chang songs have on you. I hope that the songs bring back good memories, or even if they are bad memories, I hope that the passing of the years makes their memory better.

*snug* Sweetheart, I was pretty opinionated back in those days, too! ;) I think it's the prerogative of teenagers. It's only when we move on in years that we realise life isn't as simple as the way we saw it when we were younger. And, pompous or not, we loved you anyway. *snug* I do not think you were actually pompous, though - you just believed very strongly in your principles, and you weren't afraid to demonstrate your committment to them. You were willing to listen to other ideas, and genuinely pompous people don't have that.

They said that? eheh - man, oh, man, our JC teachers sure did have fun with us (and enjoy taking us down a peg or two). And remember the flak I got about wanting to conform? ♥ HEE. The sad thing is I don't actually remember a lot of the things they said: I remember a lot of things they did, though, like the signature coffee-marks on our papers, that memorable smashed-egg-and-juniors'-papers incident, that time when a certain teacher hurled himself against the door of E13 and the cracking of wood ensued... ;)

True neutral too! *grin* Maybe we just realise that many things are relative, and a lot depends on the situation. Our alignments are drifting! ;) I wonder what'll happen should we take this test again five years on. ;) AND YEAH. Now I shy away from absolute statements even in everyday situations. *amused!*

*hugs you tight* Thank you so much, Niisan. It means a lot to me to hear these words from you. You're the one whose opinion counts a great deal, because you've known me for so many years and you know the real me. *smiles* Thank you for saying that about being grounded and smart, sometimes I think I want to go stuff myself in LJ + fandom too much. :)

You too, you know? *hugs* You're incredibly strong, and others can see that and respect you for it, even if you don't realise it. And you try your best to be happy, too. *snugs tight*

It definitely makes sense. *hugs you tight* ♥
24th-May-2007 12:32 am (UTC)
*smiles* We most certainly do change over time. Our life stories are always evolving. :) I'm actually taking a course on life stories and personal narratives at the moment, and it has been a real eye opener! I always used to think that everyone's life story, their "this is who I am and how I got here's" were simple collections of past events that shaped the person, that made them who they are in the here and now, but there's so much more to the construction of self-perception than that. There's the relationships between the events to take into account, not only between the ones in the distant past but between the ones that happened a year ago, a week ago, are happening in the present. It's about how a person in the present seeks narrative coherency first and foremost, and will, if necessary, reinterpret past events--will actually reinterpret who he used to be--in order to best illustrate who he is now, this person who he thinks is the "real" him, but who will inevitably change in the future. *smile* I think that's part of the reason why we can flip back to old journal entries and smile (or cringe, even!) because the narrative of who we were then and the narrative of who we are now are naturally at odds with one another, and there's an inherent humor to thinking, "!!!! But this entry was written with the same two hands!" As for what others thought of us *grins* that's a whole other ballpark and I could spend hours running laps around the bases because I find the topic fascinating but I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE APPROPRIATE TIME OR PLACE FOR ME TO GEEK OUT OVER COMMUNICATION THEORY. I WOULD HATE TO SPAM YOUR JOURNAL WITH ACADEMIA AND RISK BORING YOU TO TEARS. XDD

OH NO TO YOUR HORROR. *HUGS* It's not so bad, is it? Getting True Neutral? ;) Because if you look at it this way: True Neutral, by nature, cannot ever truly be bad. ;) I scored True Neutral as well, but you're 12% more "Good" than I am, and are also less "Chaotic". (Actually, if I had scored 5% less in "Good" and "Chaotic", I would have classified as "Lawful Evil", AKA sieg heil, Hitler.) x_x I scored Neutral in the Official Wizard test, too, so I will just ignore how close I had been to epitomizing Nazi!kin and will assert my so-called "neutrality". :P

I wish you the best of luck in the job market!
24th-May-2007 03:49 pm (UTC) - actually, communication theory sounds fascinating!
Actually, I really liked that! It was fascinating, and I wasn't aware of the actual theories and practice behind personal narratives before. And you're taking a course on them! ;) I hope that you're having fun, and even if the course seems like it can get tough, I think you're learning a great deal? *grin*

It's about how a person in the present seeks narrative coherency first and foremost, and will, if necessary, reinterpret past events--will actually reinterpret who he used to be--in order to best illustrate who he is now, this person who he thinks is the "real" him, but who will inevitably change in the future.
I think that's incredibly intriguing. Our concept of self changes with time and is never static, and it seems that our perception of self changes with it, too. Reading this line actually made me think of Fight Club, as well. Reinterpretation is a fascinating word for this process - a layman might simply call it maturity, that we are now able to see ourselves more clearly when distance and time gives us perspective.

Of course, we musn't forget denial. *grin* I found it fascinating how individuals seek narrative coherency: it's almost as if they see themselves as one person and one person always, rather than someone who changes over time.

This is great stuff, really! And you aren't boring me at all: it's refreshing to listen to this and hear your take on it. ;) What I do IRL for studies isn't half this fascinating. *grin*

XDDDD It's not that bad, really: it's quite interesting. It's just that I used to be more, well, "good", and now I've turned into a realist/opportunist. Which isn't really a bad thing - more of a practical one, really. ;)

YAY for a fellow True Neutral! *grin* (also, 12% more Good sounds like it's icon material. XD)

But you are not SEIG HEIL! *snugs* And I suspect that even if you were, I'd love you anyway. *snug!*

Thank you so much! *hugs tight* I'll need it: to survive the workplace. XDDD All the best on schoolwork, too! *snug* And I hope that the narratives give you some breathing space to rest and read up! *hugs!*
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