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Pirates of the Caribbean 3: Show you my telescope if you'll show me yours. 
27th-May-2007 12:28 am
Reborn - Yamamoto CHIBITA
Caught Pirates of the Caribbean 3 today with elvaron, lacewood, rukia, raynos, harajukufuuri, mushrooms, mainified, and the siblings. I haven't actually ever been in a movie where I had my ticket's worth guranteed before the movie started. The cinema screened this Balls of Fury (deathmatch Ping-Pong shtick) movie, and Masi Oka had a cameo. ♥ You could totally tell where the Heroes fans in the cinema were sitting because all of us went :D!!!!! simultaneously. SO GUYS I AM SORRY, Masi gets my love and gets posted uncut, because, man, way to get me hyped up before a movie, and also, his wide-eyed delirious enthusiasm is exactly the attitude I've got for Pirates! *grin*

Quick summary? All in all: GREAT STUFF: as anyasy says, leave common sense at the door and you'll enjoy this movie, STAY TIL AFTER THE CREDITS. Also, it's three hours long, so BE PREPARED.

SO. Was that long wait following the end of the second movie's WTF?! GIMME MY MONEY BACK ending worth it? I wasn't awaiting this movie with bated breath (every review I'd read panned it completely), and only people I knew who enjoyed it went in with absolutely no expectations. AND YET. I completely enjoyed this one.

Where do I start? *incredibly stupid grin* It isn't enough that I've been living in a city where every single Pirates poster's emblazoned with the words WELCOME TO SINGAPORE! (As rukia says, you'd half-expect a Singapore Tourism Promotion Board logo to pop up after Chow Yun Fat made that particular announcement). But man - this movie was so much fun, and I willingly and cheerfully ship every single pairing that this movie throws at me. ♥

Pirates' vision of Singapore is deeply hilarious, because they think Singapore's a combination of Louisanian bayou, imperial China, and incredibly criminally-developed fishing village. I LOVE YOU HOLLYWOOD! Also, desperately wanted Chow Yun Fat to attempt speaking Singlish to Keira Knightley after reading anyasy's review, however, went to theatre and discovered that Sao Feng actually quotes Cantonese love poetry to Elisabeth. If the translation was anything to go by it involved the spring wind, flowers, and other very Singaporean things.


What I Wanted to Happen

1. Elizabeth to run off with Jack Sparrow and sail the seas on the Black Pearl. So obvious that Will isn't the guy for her.

It would so have worked out between them. For maybe one week. But still! They would have been great together! Just not forever!

2. Will to run off with Norrington. Or with Bootstrap. Am not particularly picky.

3. For Barbossa to run off with Davy Jones.

DID I GET ANY OF THAT? NOOOOOOOOOOO. But what I DID get was pretty good, regardless!

And what actually happened:

I love Orlando Bloom to pieces, but it doesn't change the fact that 80% of the movie did not actually require his presence. Was very happy when his first appearance was this wet poodle impression. DO NOT CARE. ♥ I do not watch Orlando Bloom movies for the plot, I watch them for Orlando Bloom.

lacewood has interesting thoughts on the movie here, including the Pirates' writers' take on the Davey Jones duty/curse and how it can be broken. More here.

Favourite Scenes in the Movie:

1. Barbossa and Jack Sparrow's continual comparison-of-telescope-sizes, WAY TO GO on the subtle-as-jackhammer metaphors, Disney:

2. Elizabeth and Norrington. Had absolutely no feelings for this pairing right up untillll one minute before Norrington kicked the bucket. DAMNIT, I was just beginning to LIKE the man. I'm sorry, I'm a sucker for the noble types, ESPECIALLY if they're of the tragically noble I-will-sacrifice-myself-for-you variety. And yes I know this is totally not a canon interpretation of his character at all, but if you take the FIVE MINUTES before he dies after rescuing Elisabeth and Sao Feng's crew from the Flying Dutchman's prisons, yeah.

3. The probably intentional Sao Feng/Elizabeth moments, which were also (probably unintentionally) HILARIOUSLY BAD. Chow Yun Fat as the Pirate Lord of Singapore was always gonna be funny enough (he has a Singaporean wife, incidentally, IRL), but THIS?! THE WTF CANTONESE LOVE POETRY QUOTING MOMENT between Sao Feng and Elisabeth. DUUUUUUDE, you do not quote bad Cantonese poetry to someone you THINK is Calypso.

BUT: when Sao Feng got killed courtesy of a nasty pirate attack, he gave over his Pirate Lord role to Elizabeth. SO WAIT A SECOND GUYS. Does that mean that Elizabeth Swann is now the PIRATE QUEEN OF SINGAPORE?!

I am a sap I love Orlando Bloom this scene, it had me at hello.
MY GOD YOU SILLY IDIOTS, it was the only time in ANY of the movies that I supported Will/Elizabeth (and it damned well better be, considering it's the marriage scene!) So the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl get entangled in a maelstrom of Calypso's making, and Will decides to pick the moment to propose to Elizabeth. You've seen it in the trailers:

Will Turner: Will you marry me?
Elizabeth Swann: I don't think now's the best time!
Will Turner: Now may be the only time!

Will Turner: I love you! I made my choice. What's yours?

Elizabeth says yes, and then Will yells at Barbossa to marry them. (Professor says it's Elizabeth that does the asking, which I can totally appreciate. ♥)
Barbossa: *hacking away at enemies* I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW.

IT'S HILARIOUS. Barbossa marries Elizabeth and Will on the deck of the Pearl in the midst of a HELLSTORM of pirates and THUNDER AND RAIN AND PIRATE-SHIP-ON-PIRATE-SHIP BATTLE. IT KICKED SO MUCH ASS. My favourite lines?

Barbossa: "You may kiss -" *interrupted by fighting* "You may kiss -" *interrupted by MORE fighting* "AH, JUST KISS."



I love their story so much. Almost makes me wish they weren't related (for clearly nefarious reasons), but it's the fact that they're father and son that makes their story so wonderful to me. From the second movie into this one, I really love their history and interaction: in the second movie, you see Bootstrap as this man who's pretty much lost everything, and found one thing in the world that remains to him: his son. And you see the lengths he goes to protect his son, and that sort of thing really moves me, especially when you see that that son is willing to give up everything to save his father, just as the father is willing to give up everything to protect his son. That gamble with years spent on the Flying Dutchman scene in the second movie was priceless.

6. THE PIECES OF EIGHT. Or rather, what the pieces of eight turned out to be. W. T. F. HI GUYS. So apparently there are Nine Pirate Lords, and all of them, together, hold the Nine Pieces of Eight. The Great Pirate Gathering of Brawling and Impossibly Made-Up Pirates (plus one VERY VERY SQUEAKY-VOICED Raj-era pirate, the cinema audience LOVED him) also used the Pieces of Eight to bind and unbind Calypso. And you know what they are in the movie? To quote, "random pieces of junk we just happened to have in our pockets at the time", because when the pirate lords first convened the first gathering, they were SKINT BROKE, and could not actually, you know, AFFORD TOKENS OF NON-RANDOM VALUE.

7. SHIVER ME TIMBERS the opening scene of that little boy and the pirates about to be hanged, and the singing. THAT WAS AWESOME. One hell of a way to start the movie. Although I did think that they should've started singing a WHOLE LOT SOONER than RIGHT BEFORE THEY WERE ABOUT TO BE HANGED. (though it is unlikely that help would have arrived on time).

8. ELIZABETH SWANN? SO. SO. SO. KICKASS. Completely so much better than Will/Orlando, won my admiration completely, and Keira Knightley GIVES BETTER TO WAR!!!! speeches than Orlando did in Kingdom of Heaven.

Totally random things I loved about the movie

Will Turner does the jilted-boyfriend stomp.

OT3!!! OT3!!!

Still, second only to Elizabeth/Jack/Will!
(I did say I'd ship anything)

totally random thing I wtf'ed over in the movie
Or, Beckett gets some of my NO LOVE, BABY.

Moral of the story: please do not be reading too much fanfiction: I spent about 80% of Beckett's onscreen time attempting to scrub my brain of this incredibly NC-17 fic I'd read about him and Norrington. It was like AGH.

Also one more thing I wtf'd way over in the movie: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO BECKETT. (Yeah, all my WTF moments are Beckett, it is all the WTF of the no-good VERY-BAD variety) Right at the last moment. When the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl had him trapped? HIS BRAIN JUST BROKE. And he just STOOD there and didn't even THINK to give the order to fire. And he completely died stupidly as did a whole bunch of his men. This is the hardass Beckett we've seen in Pirates 2 and 90% of the third movie? The ruthless cutthroat as-vicious-as-a-pirate-but-with-the-EIC Beckett? I THINK NOT. What a stupid ending for him. Poor man, as much as I disliked him, he deserved a better ending for one of the main antagonists.

Great Pirates 3 gallery, by the way. And the Resident Evil 3 trailer is out too!
26th-May-2007 04:57 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA DUDE I AM SORRY BUT I FIND I CAN ONLY REALLY SUPPORT JACK AND BARBOSSA SAILING INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER, BICKIERING LIKE TWO-YEAR-OLDS ALL THE WAY. It's - it's the only Jack ship that could POSSIBLY have any long term chances of survival! I mean, I love you, Gibbs, and you are great with Jack, but I think you need to find a nice, sensible lady who'll actually be kind to you once in a while.

And I dunno, but I kinda find that the later two movies kinda kill the Jack/Will thing? Or at least cut it down a lot. Only the heart scene really hits (though it hits hard) This makes the OT3 kinda difficult! BUT OMG NORRINGTON DIED AND KILLED THE OT4 AAAAAHHH GODDAMMIT NORRINGTON. ;__________;


Ahaha oh man, THEY TOTALLY WASTED CHOW YUN FAT also the bit where they randomly convince him that Elizabeth is Calypso was confusing and weird especially when he tried to rape her omgwtfbbq LAMERZ. WASTED, GUYS. IF YOU WERE NOT GOING TO GIVE CHOW YUN FAT A GOOD SCRIPT YOU SHOULDA JUST GOTTEN MICHELLE YEOH TO BE AN AWESOME PIRATE LADY INSTEAD.

And man, whatever else you might think of them, Will and Elizabeth could pretty much win the movie couple sweepstakes by having the MOST AWESOME WEDDING EVER CHOREOGRAPHED. A+++ GUYS But d00d, the Will as Davy Jones thing! I JUST KEPT THINKING: WELL IF HE CAN'T GO ON LAND WHAT'S TO STOP HER STALKING HIM WITH A SHIP? SHE'S THE FUCKING PIRATE KING. PS. BUCKETS!!!

But d00d, did you hear? Apparently what the writers say is that if Davy Jones returns to land after 10 years and his true love is waiting for him, the curse will be BROKEN and he will be free to be a normal man again while they choose some other poor schmuck to take over. That's why Davy Jones was so pissed and the end credits scene pretty much means that the curse is broken and.... it's even happier than you think. XD
26th-May-2007 05:32 pm (UTC) - omg pei yi your comment is so perfect it could be your REVIEW.
THIS SHOULD BE AN LJ POST, DUDE. ♥ It's so well-thought out!

NO IT IS OKAY ALSO, Jack and Barbossa also get my love! They are kind of like the old bickering married couple that get into fights every so often but really they cannot live without each other because each gives the other's life meaning, and all that stuff! Most unfortunately I am shallow and superficial and do not ship Barbossa-much-of-anything because Barbossa is not particularly hot, but yeah! He's a great screen presence, and I completely forgive the writers for bringing him back in this movie because he's just great! Besides I kind of like imagining Barbossa as Elizabeth's surrogate pirate father, except minus any actual caring for her.

OMG YES GIBBS. He needs a gentle woman to love him!
But methinks he loves the pirate's life, and settling down ain't for him. He could be GRANDPA GIBBS by now, but what's he up to? FOLLOWING A NE'ER DO-WELL OVER THE EDGE OF THE WORLD. Ah, I guess some souls were always meant to LIVE FREE.

... ME TOO. OMG ME TOO. D: I thought I was the only one in this movie thinking, "Where the hell was the Jack/Will?!" ... also during the heart scene: was only paying attention to Orlando Bloom's face, and therefore totally did not actually register Jack's expression. Hee. I would watch it again to see this only 3 free hours of my life = very hard to come by in the next few weeks. But also... omg I really want to translate that really bad Cantonese poetry.

ROFL I AGREE. JACK YOU WIMP. But completely understandable.

AGREED COMPLETELY on Chow Yun Fat being completely wasted. omg another stupid death, too. I do not think it was rape, though? I thought he intended conquest in a more... metaphorical sense. But yeah, that scene, MADE NO SENSE.

... trade that faux-geisha pirate lady for Michelle Yeoh, and I WILL TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. ;)


XDDDD I LIKE THAT TOO!! But the ship would goes underwater a lot, and it'd probably spend a lot of time commuting to the heavens maybe, as the Pirates version of the boatman on the River Styx. I think where he goes, she literally cannot follow.

WHUT IS THAT WHAT IT IS?! I didn't hear that yet, so omg omg THAT IS GREAT NEWS AND IF IT IS SO I AM OMG HAPPY. ♥ And THAT would explain Davey Jones being pissed! And omg omg thank you so much for this! ♥___♥
27th-May-2007 06:20 am (UTC) - Re: omg pei yi your comment is so perfect it could be your REVIEW.
d00d, wtf, I wrote up that comment at like 1 in the morning when my higher functions were in fact, no long functioning. WELL THOUGHT OUT? XD And I was too tired to write an lj post, so I guess it ended up sounding like my stand in review. XD;;

"AH WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUITCHEW" ohshit I'm going to hell - wait, I was already going there
In my mind, Jack and Barbossa are ETERNALLY DESTINED, immortal or not, to sail the seas together, abandoning each other at every port they land in and chasing the Black Pearl/water of LYFE for the rest of their natural lives. And ahaha, yeah, I don't think Barbossa actually CARES about Elizabeth but I bet she entertains him and he finds it personally HILARIOUS that Jack Sparrow was bested by a girl and that he's kinda scared of her. XDXDXD

And maybe Gibbs hasn't found the right laydee yet! Or maybe he has a TRAGIK STORIE in his past of love lost and found! Or - oh, I don't know. XDXDXD Jack DID leave him behind to hit on girls with stories of sea turtles. XDXDXD

Even if you didn't catch Jack's expression, I guess it means something that he actually hesitated using the heart to become immortal, and used it to save Will's life instead! Then again, it's Jack and he could also have done it for the long list of pros attached a) he doesn't get covered in tentacles b) he doesn't leave the Black Pearl c) he STILL gets a Davy Jones that won't try to kill him (too much)

A WINNING DECISION! ... And you know, I keep wondering WHO THE HELL WOULD JACK GIVE HIS HEART TO ANYWAY if he became Davy Jones. because honestly now. WHO THE HELL CAN HE GIVE HIS HEART TO THAT WON'T USE IT TO WRING HIS NECK? XD (I bet this is another reason he changed his mind!)

Well, even if Elizabeth couldn't follow him underwater, she could hang around the seas! And he crould surface sometimes and they could've met or whatever! NOTHING IN THE RULES FORBIDS THIS (EXPLICITLY).

Yeah, someone on my flist linked to the thing about breaking the Davy Jones curse and I followed it up and found cleolinda, like you did. XD HEY GUYS YOU COULD HAVE EXPLAINED THIS IN THE MOVIE ITSELF? Though the ending works perfectly without it anyway. But I guess ut gives the end credits scene more of a point so it isn't just like HAY GUYS PROOF THAT ELIZABETH DID WAIT! DESPITE KISSING HALF THE MALE LEADS IN THE MOVIES! ... UM!
27th-May-2007 05:59 am (UTC)
SO THAT'S WHAT THE LAST SCENE MEANS OMG. I thought it was a completely useless waste of my could-have-gone-to-pee time. kaljdgklsadh.

Hi I'm the random person Chris introduced to you all before the movie lololol.
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