Quick summary? All in all: GREAT STUFF: as anyasy says, leave common sense at the door and you'll enjoy this movie, STAY TIL AFTER THE CREDITS. Also, it's three hours long, so BE PREPARED.
SO. Was that long wait following the end of the second movie's WTF?! GIMME MY MONEY BACK ending worth it? I wasn't awaiting this movie with bated breath (every review I'd read panned it completely), and only people I knew who enjoyed it went in with absolutely no expectations. AND YET. I completely enjoyed this one.
Where do I start? *incredibly stupid grin* It isn't enough that I've been living in a city where every single Pirates poster's emblazoned with the words WELCOME TO SINGAPORE! (As rukia says, you'd half-expect a Singapore Tourism Promotion Board logo to pop up after Chow Yun Fat made that particular announcement). But man - this movie was so much fun, and I willingly and cheerfully ship every single pairing that this movie throws at me. ♥
Pirates' vision of Singapore is deeply hilarious, because they think Singapore's a combination of Louisanian bayou, imperial China, and incredibly criminally-developed fishing village. I LOVE YOU HOLLYWOOD! Also, desperately wanted Chow Yun Fat to attempt speaking Singlish to Keira Knightley after reading anyasy's review, however, went to theatre and discovered that Sao Feng actually quotes Cantonese love poetry to Elisabeth. If the translation was anything to go by it involved the spring wind, flowers, and other very Singaporean things.
What I Wanted to Happen
1. Elizabeth to run off with Jack Sparrow and sail the seas on the Black Pearl. So obvious that Will isn't the guy for her.
It would so have worked out between them. For maybe one week. But still! They would have been great together! Just not forever!
2. Will to run off with Norrington. Or with Bootstrap. Am not particularly picky.
3. For Barbossa to run off with Davy Jones.
DID I GET ANY OF THAT? NOOOOOOOOOOO. But what I DID get was pretty good, regardless!
And what actually happened:
I love Orlando Bloom to pieces, but it doesn't change the fact that 80% of the movie did not actually require his presence. Was very happy when his first appearance was this wet poodle impression. DO NOT CARE. ♥ I do not watch Orlando Bloom movies for the plot, I watch them for Orlando Bloom.
lacewood has interesting thoughts on the movie here, including the Pirates' writers' take on the Davey Jones duty/curse and how it can be broken. More here.
Favourite Scenes in the Movie:
1. Barbossa and Jack Sparrow's continual comparison-of-telescope-sizes, WAY TO GO on the subtle-as-jackhammer metaphors, Disney:
2. Elizabeth and Norrington. Had absolutely no feelings for this pairing right up untillll one minute before Norrington kicked the bucket. DAMNIT, I was just beginning to LIKE the man. I'm sorry, I'm a sucker for the noble types, ESPECIALLY if they're of the tragically noble I-will-sacrifice-myself-for-you variety. And yes I know this is totally not a canon interpretation of his character at all, but if you take the FIVE MINUTES before he dies after rescuing Elisabeth and Sao Feng's crew from the Flying Dutchman's prisons, yeah.
3. The probably intentional Sao Feng/Elizabeth moments, which were also (probably unintentionally) HILARIOUSLY BAD. Chow Yun Fat as the Pirate Lord of Singapore was always gonna be funny enough (he has a Singaporean wife, incidentally, IRL), but THIS?! THE WTF CANTONESE LOVE POETRY QUOTING MOMENT between Sao Feng and Elisabeth. DUUUUUUDE, you do not quote bad Cantonese poetry to someone you THINK is Calypso.
BUT: when Sao Feng got killed courtesy of a nasty pirate attack, he gave over his Pirate Lord role to Elizabeth. SO WAIT A SECOND GUYS. Does that mean that Elizabeth Swann is now the PIRATE QUEEN OF SINGAPORE?!
I am a sap I love Orlando Bloom this scene, it had me at hello.
MY GOD YOU SILLY IDIOTS, it was the only time in ANY of the movies that I supported Will/Elizabeth (and it damned well better be, considering it's the marriage scene!) So the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl get entangled in a maelstrom of Calypso's making, and Will decides to pick the moment to propose to Elizabeth. You've seen it in the trailers:
Will Turner: Will you marry me?
Elizabeth Swann: I don't think now's the best time!
Will Turner: Now may be the only time!
Will Turner: I love you! I made my choice. What's yours?
Elizabeth says yes, and then Will yells at Barbossa to marry them. (Professor says it's Elizabeth that does the asking, which I can totally appreciate. ♥)
IN THE MIDDLE OF A PITCHED BATTLE.
Barbossa: *hacking away at enemies* I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW.
IT'S HILARIOUS. Barbossa marries Elizabeth and Will on the deck of the Pearl in the midst of a HELLSTORM of pirates and THUNDER AND RAIN AND PIRATE-SHIP-ON-PIRATE-SHIP BATTLE. IT KICKED SO MUCH ASS. My favourite lines?
Barbossa: "You may kiss -" *interrupted by fighting* "You may kiss -" *interrupted by MORE fighting* "AH, JUST KISS."
4. THE SCENE AFTER THE CREDITS. ♥ AM SUCH A SAP FOR A HAPPY ENDING.
I love their story so much. Almost makes me wish they weren't related (for clearly nefarious reasons), but it's the fact that they're father and son that makes their story so wonderful to me. From the second movie into this one, I really love their history and interaction: in the second movie, you see Bootstrap as this man who's pretty much lost everything, and found one thing in the world that remains to him: his son. And you see the lengths he goes to protect his son, and that sort of thing really moves me, especially when you see that that son is willing to give up everything to save his father, just as the father is willing to give up everything to protect his son. That gamble with years spent on the Flying Dutchman scene in the second movie was priceless.
6. THE PIECES OF EIGHT. Or rather, what the pieces of eight turned out to be. W. T. F. HI GUYS. So apparently there are Nine Pirate Lords, and all of them, together, hold the Nine Pieces of Eight. The Great Pirate Gathering of Brawling and Impossibly Made-Up Pirates (plus one VERY VERY SQUEAKY-VOICED Raj-era pirate, the cinema audience LOVED him) also used the Pieces of Eight to bind and unbind Calypso. And you know what they are in the movie? To quote, "random pieces of junk we just happened to have in our pockets at the time", because when the pirate lords first convened the first gathering, they were SKINT BROKE, and could not actually, you know, AFFORD TOKENS OF NON-RANDOM VALUE.
7. SHIVER ME TIMBERS the opening scene of that little boy and the pirates about to be hanged, and the singing. THAT WAS AWESOME. One hell of a way to start the movie. Although I did think that they should've started singing a WHOLE LOT SOONER than RIGHT BEFORE THEY WERE ABOUT TO BE HANGED. (though it is unlikely that help would have arrived on time).
8. ELIZABETH SWANN? SO. SO. SO. KICKASS. Completely so much better than Will/Orlando, won my admiration completely, and Keira Knightley GIVES BETTER TO WAR!!!! speeches than Orlando did in Kingdom of Heaven.
Will Turner does the jilted-boyfriend stomp.
Still, second only to Elizabeth/Jack/Will!
(I did say I'd ship anything)
totally random thing I wtf'ed over in the movie
Or, Beckett gets some of my NO LOVE, BABY.
Moral of the story: please do not be reading too much fanfiction: I spent about 80% of Beckett's onscreen time attempting to scrub my brain of this incredibly NC-17 fic I'd read about him and Norrington. It was like AGH.
Also one more thing I wtf'd way over in the movie: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO BECKETT. (Yeah, all my WTF moments are Beckett, it is all the WTF of the no-good VERY-BAD variety) Right at the last moment. When the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl had him trapped? HIS BRAIN JUST BROKE. And he just STOOD there and didn't even THINK to give the order to fire. And he completely died stupidly as did a whole bunch of his men. This is the hardass Beckett we've seen in Pirates 2 and 90% of the third movie? The ruthless cutthroat as-vicious-as-a-pirate-but-with-the-EIC Beckett? I THINK NOT. What a stupid ending for him. Poor man, as much as I disliked him, he deserved a better ending for one of the main antagonists.
Great Pirates 3 gallery, by the way. And the Resident Evil 3 trailer is out too!