breaking all your laws, one at a time. (aefallen) wrote,
breaking all your laws, one at a time.

Things Lawyers Think And Should Never Say

How do you spell "a headache" in just one word, with as many letters?

A - F - F - I - D - A - V - I - T.

to be honest it isn't really a headache, but that's because it's kind of breaking my brains, a lot.

Welcome, one and all, to tonight's first (and certainly not last!) episode of Call Me Unprofessional. We kick off with the opening segment,

Things Lawyers Think And Should Never Say

1. I think the defendant and plaintiff are both lying.
(only the judge can say that)

In the days to come, I'm sure I'll come up with a whole lot MORE to add to the collection.

And also,

Things Lawyers Really Shouldn't Say

In this jurisdiction we open with, "May it please the court." The occurence of the following small mistake is not entirely uncommon:

#1: "May I please the court."
And please may you not have a particularly sadistic judge who'll look at you, s m i r k, and say, "Why, yes, you may please the court.

Usually if you're proving facts in a case, you need to prove to the judge's satisfaction that these facts are true. I have actually seen this in the law reports:
#2: "The defendant has not satisfied me."

And the last one really is a visual slip of mine, for once I was stressed out while reading a case and mistakenly read the quite innocent sentence of, "I have convicted and sentenced him accordingly" as "I have convicted and seduced him accordingly".

I think this probably happened because when I was young I read a sign entitled,

(from here)

Top Things That Sound Dirty in Law but Aren't

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge
8. Counsellor, let's do it in chambers
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute
6. Is it a penal offence?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't...
1. Think you can get me off?

I just come from a family (and an extended family) who like to bring me every single last lawyer joke they hear, so... Typical transcription of such a situation:

Mom: "What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?"
Mom: :D "A Rottweiler."

See: I really watching hate movies (and TV shows, and dramas, and whatever) about the legal profession. I really do. It's not so much for the sheer inaccuracy that you often get, it's just that - look, it's what I study and do for a living, I don't need or want and I certainly don't have to look at it in my free time, too. (I made a similar comment when I talked about Phoenix Wright before. It's not the game, the game's fine, no complaints. It's just that sometimes, when you live it, you don't want to play it.)

But this really made me laugh: Jon Heder's upcoming movie, Moving McAllister, has a summary that begins as follows:

"Rick Robinson is an intern at a prestigious Miami law firm, spends his days making copies and dreaming of becoming a real lawyer. His dream is about to come true. In four days he will take the bar exam, and be free to practice law."

I just find the idea of being free to practice law hilarious. But then when you work eight-to-eight days (and you know this counts as pretty damn good... I guess I just have a different perspective on things.

But Jon Heder plays a scruffy hitchhiker in the movie. Oh oh oh and this morning when I went to work (I usually come in at eight in the morning, but before I go into the office I like to sit in the grassy patch in the centre of the business district, and watch the huge television screens and the movie advertisements. It makes me happy. And read the paper and watch the people and look at the grass. And today the paper had this massive wraparound Surf's Up advertisement: man, what's not to love, it has penguins voiced by Shia LaBeouf and Jon Heder! ♥ I was vaguely interested (even though I still think that it's been Penguin Overkill for the box office, what with March of the Penguins and Happy Feet and that really was quite enough penguin movies in the space of a year, thank you), learning Shia was in there made me really want to catch it, and now Jon's in there too, I really really really want to go. ♥

Also, what goes on behind this cut is best described with this quote:
You're the girl -


One of my fellow pupils told me recently that she noticed that once it gets towards the end of the day, I start laughing a lot. And the real reason I do it is because I'm so stressed. Happiness is my coping mechanism for stress, so the more stressed I am, the smaller the things that make me happy. Example?

The three of us pupils were walking back from lunch one day, and I saw a flock of the tiniest sparrows ever flutter up from their spot on the grassy patch and soar a short distance away, and then come down. I forgot myself and squealed, and then exclaimed, "How cute! ♥"

At which the other pupil laughed and said, "You're so cute! Can I adopt you as my little sister?"

And the other day, close towards the end of a long day, I was walking down the corridor and then I started thinking about Blades of Glory showtimes, and subsequently became very amused at how happy the thought of that made me, and then I started laughing, because it was such a very silly little thing to be happy over. My fellow pupil saw me, and asked me why I was laughing, also curious (and amused). I told her the truth and she was even more amused, and said I was cute (because such a small and also very random thing makes me happy).

It's usually during examination periods that I'm the most stressed, and paradoxically, I'm also happy then, but that's because the sheer intensity of the stress makes every happy moment in that time so very very precious. It looks like the same goes for work. I do hope that I will (and do think I should) settle down with time, but eheh, for now, I shall just obsess completely about a lot of crazy things, and let cute cats and small birds and really silly things make me deliriously happy.

Tags: rl

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